The Vigilant
by soundfanatic
Summary: The past always catches up with you, like it or not. Set during the events of Awakening. f!Amell/Anders
1. As You Wish

A/N- So, this little story has been rolling around in my head since I beat Awakening. I thought I'd post the first installment and see how it's received before continuing to post the rest. Hopefully the flashback isn't too confusing and doesn't break the flow too much. (As I plan on doing more flashbacks since they're kind of essential to the story. Just let me know if they should be stand-alone or in the middle of the action.) Thanks for checking this out and I hope you enjoy reading this!

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1. AS YOU WISH

Two hours. Kieran Amell had only been at Vigil's Keep for _two sodding hours_ and she was already out of breath and feeling fatigued. As the last of the darkspawn fell in her area, she glanced at Maihri to make sure she was still standing. So far, so good.

The two women kept moving farther and farther into the keep, slaughtering any darkspawn in their way and freeing anyone still alive. As they came upon a hallway, Kieran felt a slight tugging at her senses. _Will it ever end?_ She signaled for Mhairi to follow when she sensed a different kind of pull; the fade was being drawn from. The man outside the gates had told her of a mage not far behind. Another ally to aid them would be a blessing from the Maker Himself. She shielded her face from the blast of warm air that greeted her as soon as she stepped inside the inner walls of the keep.

A hissing noise and one last thud from a fallen hurlock told her that the worst was over. As she opened her eyes, her breath hitched. This was a terrible dream or cosmic prank the Maker was playing on her. _He_ couldn't be here. Anyone but him.

"_Shhhh… Anders, we'll get caught if you keep knocking books over," Kieran giggled in between gasps. The other mage had her pinned against a bookshelf, and his hands were currently doing wicked things underneath her robes._

"_Don't worry about them," Anders whispered against her neck, referring to the templars guarding the door of the library, "they won't bother us." _

_She tangled her fingers in his golden hair and brought his face to hers. Her stomach did a little flip as he nibbled her bottom lip. She tried to stifle a moan when one of his hands traveled down her side and guided her thigh up and around his side, bringing them closer together. _

"_Now who's being noisy?" Anders smirked against her mouth. _

"_You there, mages, what are you doing?" A stern voice broke them out of their embrace. Straightening out their robes, they turned to face a templar who was clearly not amused by their activities. Something about the disappointment in the templar's eyes as she fixed her hair haunted Kieran for days afterward._

She watched recognition light his eyes. "Andraste's flaming knickers! I'll be damned. I always knew we would meet again someday. I just had hoped it would be under less… _messy_ circumstances." And the bastard had the gall to smirk at her.

"Anders, what in the Maker's name are you _doing_ here?" As his name left her lips, more memories bubbled to the surface of her mind, paving the way for emotions long buried to rise again. At the moment, the most prominent of those emotions happened to be fury.

"Oh, you know, these templars here thought we would stop by the keep on our way back to the Circle when the darkspawn attacked. I had no problem defending myself, as you can well see, but these fellows here," he nudged a lifeless body with his foot, "weren't so fortunate. Not that I'm broken up about it or anything."

Finally noticing the wild look Kieran had in her eyes, Anders' smirk dropped from his face. He had never been afraid of her before, but the last time he saw her was over three years ago. Three years is enough time to change as much as she had. Instead of seeing the playful and naive mage he once knew, a very serious looking and intimidating woman had taken her place. An intimidating woman who looked like she wanted to snap his neck, or at least incinerate his smallclothes with the wave of her hand.

"Look," she said sternly, "I'm not going to get into this right now because we have darkspawn to kill and a Keep to reclaim. But if you somehow survive this, I will throttle you."

"Oooh, is that a promise?" He smiled suggestively. Receiving another glare from her, he shrugged. "I'll take that as a maybe… Wait, survive this? Does this mean I'm coming along then?" Anders asked hopefully. He did _not_ want to be left alone to face more monsters.

Kieran sighed and rubbed her face. She felt much older than her twenty-two years in that moment. "Yes, I need your help."

Mhairi, who had until that moment kept out of whatever was going on between the two mages in front of her, spoke up. "Commander, are you sure that's wise?" She glanced at the dead templars on the floor and couldn't help but wonder if their deaths were as unplanned as the man claimed.

Kieran noticed Anders' eyebrows lift in appreciative surprise. "Commander now, is it?" She could feel his eyes roam over her, and her robes became a little more constricting.

She threw a glare in his direction before turning to the warrior. "As much as it pains me to say, he's coming with us Mhairi."

"As you wish, Commander." Mhairi nodded.

"Yes Commander, as you wish," Anders mocked, smirking once more.

Kieran gathered a crackling ball of lightning in her palm and shot it at Anders who yelped, clutching his behind. Satisfied with herself, she led the way out of the room with a smile tugging at her lips.


	2. Dangerous

A/N- Holy tense change Batman! You will notice I changed my style a bit, and I hope it works better than the last chapter. If it's horrendous, let me know and I'll go back. Flashbacks are still in past tense because I thought I'd try to separate these two storylines a bit more and make them more distinctive. (Please note- the flashbacks _will not_ be in order. They will jump around in time.) Ummm... long chapter is long. Also: please feel free to comment. I see the story is getting hits, but I don't know how many of those hits are actually reading this. So tell me if you love this, are undecided on whether or not you like it, or if you hate it so much your eyeballs bleed. You can just say "hi" or whatever too. One more thing- Alistair!

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2. DANGEROUS

_She had been waiting far too long. Something wasn't right. Standing up and pushing her chair back into the table, she exited the library and headed for the dormitories. Her footsteps echoed off the cold stone of the tower, and her heart pounded as something unpleasant settled in her stomach. He should have been there hours ago. It wasn't like him to just leave her there, and she refused to be stood up. Looking up from her boots, she spotted a red headed mage carrying a stack of books coming her way. _

"_Finn!" she called out. _

_Surprised, Finn looked around his books and smiled. "Hello friend." _

"_Um hi, I have a question for you." She tried not to sound as worried as she was. _

"_Can it wait?" he huffed as he tried to balance his stack. "I'm kind of-"_

"_Here," she gathered half his stack in her arms, "let me. We can talk on the way. You are headed to the library, right?" _

_Finn's smile dropped, "Are you alright? Kieran, you have that look on your face." _

"_What look on my face?" She rested the books on her hip. _

"_You have your worried face on." He looked at her knowingly. "Don't get me wrong, it's adorable, but something is obviously troubling you."_

_Biting her bottom lip, she began to walk back toward the library. The books were starting to become too heavy to carry. "I don't know how you carry these around all day, Finn."_

"_Don't change the subject," he said behind her, running to catch up. "What is this about?" _

_Finding the nearest table in the library, she dumped the books and fidgeted. Turning to face him, she frowned. "I was supposed to meet Anders here two hours ago and he hasn't showed up."_

_Finn placed his pile of books next to hers and sighed. "Kieran, please tell me you're not dallying with him."_

_He was getting judgmental. She snorted defensively, "Why? Are you jealous?" _

"_Hardly, and mocking me won't get you anywhere." He retorted flippantly, but she saw the telltale bits of red appear on his face before he turned to brush a speck of dust off his beloved books. _

_She leaned back on the table and rested her hand on his. Finn glanced up at her, hair falling in his eyes. "Please Finn, I need your help."_

_He ran a hand through his hair. "Fine, I'll help you find out what's become of him, but he's dangerous you know."_

Finding the seneschal is a relief; he is beaten, but alive. It is one more thing on the small list in her head of the things she wouldn't have to replace in the keep. Helping him to his feet, Kieran offers a weak smile. She sends Anders and Mhairi to burn what darkspawn bodies they could find while Oghren remains close.

"Thank you," the seneschal clutches his ribs, "you've saved my life."

To her side, Oghren gives a loud guffaw, "Ha, damn right! You were almost a goner before we showed up."

Sighing, she turns to help the wounded man, silently apologizing for her comrade. "Don't mention it; it's just something that I do."

The seneschal huffs out what sounds like a laugh. "So I've heard, Commander Amell."

Coughing faintly, she picks at her robes. She still isn't used to her new title. "Ah, you have me at a disadvantage. You must know all about me, what with all the crazy stories I mean." She cringes at how self-important she sounds. Luckily, he just smiles.

"Just call me Varel."

She nods, "Varel it is, then."

The unmistakable sound of marching off in the distance catches their attention.

"It seems we have visitors," Varel remarks. "Shall we?" He motions for the door leading back inside.

Gathering her band of strays, Kieran follows the seneschal through the halls. Walking through the giant structure, she allows herself to take in just how large everything is. She didn't exactly have time to stop and smell the roses while blowing apart darkspawn. After a fairly large door, they arrive outside again. The dark walls and towers cast shadows in the moonlight, and it sets her on edge. It is all so foreign.

Just outside the main gates, their group meets up with the source of the commotion. Kieran stops short when she sees Alistair in front of the small army that had gathered. Her breath catches in her throat. The uneasy guilt that she had suppressed months ago rushes back in full force; after all, she had fled Denerim leaving only a note with Wynne explaining how she was needed back at the Circle Tower, which of course was a bit fat lie. She guessed that both Wynne and Alistair knew her well enough to suspect as much.

Truth was, she couldn't live with what she had done to get to where she was. Agreeing to Morrigan's ritual, even after Alistair had broken her heart, was something she had regretted deeply. She was too afraid to die, so she took the easy way out. The cost, however, was ever haunting her thoughts and dreams. The uncertainty gnawed at her conscious. She knew now that she should've died atop Fort Drakon. Instead, she was here dealing with more problems that would end up robbing her of her life.

Falling to a knee in front of the King and his soldiers, she grips her staff to steady her shaking limbs. She hears Maihri breathe a small, "_King Alistair_," with reverence and awe.

The group stands after a moment, and Kieran looks up to see a wry smile on Alistair's face. "You know, I sort of missed the whole darkspawn-killing thing." His eyes are trained on her.

She smirks lopsidedly, "Your Majesty."

He seems amused at her formal greeting, the corners of his bright eyes wrinkling. "You're looking well," he addresses her. "You know Wynne has been worried about you. She doesn't come right out and say it most of the time, but you know how she is."

More guilt surges. She tries to manage a smile remembering her fellow mage and mentor. "Well when you see her next, at council I'm assuming, tell her I said hello."

A small pause follows, and Varel breaks the uncomfortable silence. "Your Majesty, it is good you showed up. You should be informed of what has transpired."

"I can give 'em the short version," Oghren interrupts, adjusting his belt. "We gave those darkspawn a surprise whoopin' of our own, and Kieran is gonna make me a Warden." He tops his speech with a proud belch.

Alistair gives the dwarf a considering look and shrugs, "Well, the more the merrier."

Kieran's eyes fall on the templar beside Alistair. The woman looks severe as she scowls at the group in front of her. Suddenly, her eyes go wide.

"Your Majesty, this man is a dangerous criminal!" she shrieks and points behind Kieran.

Kieran watches as Alistair's eyebrows rise. "Well, the dwarf's a bit of an ass, but I wouldn't-"

"She means me," Anders steps out from behind Kieran, sounding more annoyed than ever.

She glances back and forth between Alistair and the templar. She feels frozen and sick. Alistair aside, templars usually meant bad news.

Anders speaks again, addressing the woman, "Rylock, it's been a while. You're looking brusquer than ever." A small smirk plays at his lips.

Rylock scowls. "I'll see you hanged for what you've done here, _murderer_."

Something in Kieran screams _No!_ As the wheels in her head sputter to life again, Anders steps back.

"What—no, those templars were—you know what nevermind," he says defeated, taking the army behind her into account, "you won't believe me anyway."

Rylock begins to step forward. Finding her voice, Kieran starts to ramble, stopping the templar in her tracks. "Wait, he helped us, saved my life on a few occasions while we were fighting our way out. He's a good healer and," anything to stop them from killing him, "I could use him." _He doesn't deserve this, whatever you think he's done_, she wants to say. She wouldn't wish punishment by templar on anyone, even Anders. She knew he might have been a lot of things, but not a murderer.

Glaring at Kieran, Rylock resumes walking, "Doesn't matter. His crimes are concrete and his fate is already sealed."

Alistair holds up his hand. "No, wait." He looks over to Kieran, deadly serious. "Do you have anything else to add?"

She looks around and everyone is staring at her, waiting. "I do," she begins. She wouldn't let him be led away to certain death when he could have a chance at life as a warden. But wasn't this a different kind of death sentence? Her chest becomes heavy, and guilt begins to clutch at her lungs. Would this truly be better? But it's too late; her mind is already made up.

"I wish to conscript this mage into the Grey Wardens."

As soon as the words leave her lips Rylock howls furiously and Anders looks somewhere between triumphant and sick. Oghren hollers, "Welcome aboard, kid!"

"Your Majesty, I-" Rylock begins, furious.

"I'll allow it," Alistair states as though it is being set into stone. "The Wardens need all the help they can get." He casts a glance toward Kieran.

_Of course Alistair would understand_, she thinks. Who else could? She surreptitiously mouths "thank you" and turns to Seneschal Varel. "If it's all settled then, could you please take the new recruits to the Keep?"

He nods, "Of course, Commander," and begins to lead the way.

When everyone is out of earshot, she pulls Alistair aside. "May I have a word, Your Majesty?"

Alistair scrunches his nose, "You know I hate it when you call me that." He takes her hand and leads her away from the wandering eyes of his army. When they're sufficiently out of sight, he pulls her close and wraps his arms around her. "I've missed you."

Relaxing into him, she buries her face in the hollow of his neck. She feels her throat close around her words, "I missed you too." It's a bit awkward hugging his armor, so she pulls out of his embrace. "Thank you, for what you did back there, I mean. Don't think I didn't notice the way you stepped in." She eyes him, grinning.

"Anytime," Alistair smiles brightly, teasing, "You were always the perceptive one." He takes a breath and it comes out in a _whoosh_. "So, about Oghren… really?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "He seems to want this and I'm in no position to deny him. Besides, we've seen him fight and I know what he's capable of. He's skilled."

Alistair laughs, "You mean when he's not falling over, piss drunk."

She can't help but laugh too. A nostalgic moment passes between them. Memories of campfires and shared tents and stolen kisses bubble to the surface of her conscious. And suddenly, it's all too familiar. Being near him without the shield of formality is making her heart break all over again. He notices the way her face falls.

"You're not staying," she says, more of a statement than a question.

"No," Alistair sighs, "Eamon needs me back at Denerim."

She takes a shaky breath, "I understand, you're the King now." She knows this all too well, being the one who put him on the throne.

He looks pained. "You know this isn't what I wanted for either of us," he says, taking her hand in his once more.

She looks down at their hands, fingers intertwined. "It still doesn't change anything." She can feel the tears stinging at her eyes, and her heart being forcefully ripped from her chest.

They hear Rylock calling for him in the distance.

"You'd better go." Kieran mumbles, wiping at the traitorous moisture on her face.

Alistair nods. He gives her hand a squeeze and kisses the top of her head.

When he drops her hand, it feels final. He's nearly halfway back when she calls out to him, "Alistair." When he turns, she sees the stray tear run down his face. "Goodbye."


End file.
